committing to showing up and doing a little better each day

Month: January 2022

The Knocking

Every few months, it seems, the knocking comes. Always quiet at first, growing into thunderous pounding. You’d think I’d know by now that it’s only happening in my dreams, but there’s always just enough doubt to make me wake up and ensure no one is at my door at 4AM.

I’ve often wondered what I would do if someone was. In my mind, there are two reasons they would be there: they need help or they’re trying to make me think they do so I let them in and permit the horrors they had in mind to commence. I think that in either case, my fear of the latter will always keep me from answering the door.

Even in dreams, I’m a realist. I never try to find the source of the knocking. It’s simply a thing that is there, a rattling of pipes, a creaky floorboard, a cupboard that never closes all the way. All I know is it’s somewhere between 2 and 5 in the morning, and whatever is beyond the dreamscape or between the walls isn’t worth the risk.

It happened again last night. The difference this time is that I’m thinking about it. I’m writing about it. What if the knocking is there because someone or something is trying to tell me something? I hope it’s not about my car’s extended warranty, I haven’t had a car in 7 years, and besides, that’s not what I mean.

Today, if I had to venture a guess, I would suppose it’s a guide with something I need to hear. There’s a full moon out. I’m experiencing some clarity when it comes to my calling. (Do note I said some. I still feel utterly clueless.) The world feels fresh with possibility somehow.

I brew some mugwort tea and leave some of the same green herb burning at my bedside. I keep my bedroom clean and comfortable for nights like this, when I’m planning to venture into the unknown. Mugwort is said to help with dream messages. Though I’m not certain I can lucid dream, I’m willing to try. Tonight, I will seek out the thing that is begging to be let in.


The knocking wasn’t there. Only an endless party I had control over. Dreams are rarely interesting to anyone who isn’t having them, so I will spare the details, apart from one.

I was in a small boat in a large indoor pond. One fish in particular had a tall dorsal fin; others often mistook him for a shark. This fish took a liking to me and let me dress him. I dressed him like a naval admiral from the 1800s.

If I try to make sense of it, I think I’m applying too much rationale to something that isn’t supposed to be rational. I put clothes on a fish, I didn’t turn a misunderstood figure into a leader.

I will try again tonight, I’m not discouraged or deterred. The knocking tends to come at a time in my life when a change is needed. Does that itself mean something? Is there really nothing behind it?


Last night, I was standing at the door before the first knock. I flung it open, already knowing who was there. It was a new lover, someone who lived across the street from the giant house my dream self occupied.

I don’t know how to feel about this. I went to bed, warm cup of lavender, chamomile, and mugwort tea in hand. I said out loud, “tonight, I will find out what’s knocking.” In a sense, I got my answer, but it’s not exactly satisfying.

I admit I’m troubled by a notification from the Pattern app I got about a week ago. It let me know that now is an ideal time to meet my perfect romantic partner. Now until January 22nd, that is. The 22nd is this Saturday.

That’s far too much pressure to put on something that doesn’t come naturally to me. When people ask why I’m single, I always say I have too much to do. I do mean that, it feels like I have so many other things to do, (meaning, so many other things I’d rather do,) and a relationship would be a distraction.

That’s the thing about being married to power and control though, life will always be teaching me to let go. Whether or not I answer that door, the knocking will be there, stubborn and persistent as I am. The only way to stop it is to do the easiest possible thing: open my eyes.

What Do I Want to Do?

I think it’s time to change careers. That old feeling of dread is back. The one where if I have to think about looking at my inbox or opening Slack, I might just toss my laptop into the canal. I’m fresh off two weeks of time off and today is my first day due back at work. I’m writing this after spending my morning “preparing” the apartment. I sprayed this lovely cinnamon and clove spray everywhere to give an energizing vibe, lit candles, popped on a chill playlist, and tossed a bit of obsidian in my pocket, bracing for the deluge.

I’m going to say the thing a person in tech is never supposed to say: I don’t care about tech. I ceased to care some time ago. There was a time when coding for fun and learning new stacks was exciting for me, but that’s no longer the case. I still jump in to help my team when they’re having trouble coding here and there, and I’m still upsettingly good at it, but the passion I had is long gone. This is exactly how I’ve felt each time I’ve broken up with someone, if that makes sense. Whatever we had was great, it’s just not there anymore and I don’t see a future where I’m happy and we’re still together.

The effort I’ve put into this career is insurmountable. I’ve been coding since I was 16. At 33, I’ve now spent over half of my life doing this. I chose web development as my career path largely because it was stable. My other pursuits of being a journalist, actress, or nun didn’t seem wise or feasible when I was young. Plus, I didn’t hate it. I liked the “a-ha” moment that came from hours of me trying to learn how to build something and then suddenly seeing it work. I’ve always been self-taught, and I like it that way.

That leads to a root that I want to dig down into for a moment. I love the learning journey. If I didn’t have to work for a living, I would easily just be in university forever, learning new things. My idea of a perfect work day is me shutting myself into a dark room, undisturbed for hours, devouring knowledge and not emerging until I have made a discovery. When left to my own devices, I can accomplish some pretty impressive things. I miss that feeling.

The question becomes: what do I want to do next? My answer is terrifying: I want to be a healer. I say it’s scary because what does it even mean? I know it doesn’t come with health insurance and a 401K. I’m coming from a place of immense privilege in having a highly stable in-demand career and I recognize how dismissive and selfish it looks to want to walk away from that. My hope is that another young woman will rise up to take my place. Balance in everything, right? Besides, there is so much more I’m good at than attending hours of meetings and sending follow-up reminders.

People have always felt safe with me, and I, in turn, always want to dig deeper. I know I can help people uncover parts of themselves that they’re struggling to find; that wound that doesn’t heal in each of us. I don’t think of myself so much a therapist as I do a mirror. I help people see themselves, sometimes for the first time. With my natural ability to guard myself against being drained by another person’s emotions, I’m practically built for this. I met someone at a party recently and I could sense hurt in her. We somehow started digging into that hurt and I could see the physical change in her that only comes from knowing someone is really seeing and hearing you. I left the interaction invigorated, and I believe she did as well. That didn’t feel like hard work for me.

My other gift is being able to relate to just about anyone. There is no way for me to put myself exactly in someone else’s life, but I am able to demonstrate that I understand where they’re coming from. It’s a beautiful thing, being understood. That’s a connection I think a lot of people are missing in their lives; someone who just gets it. It can be hard to get that from someone you know if they’ve already categorized you and left no room for that idea of who you are to change. With someone new, there isn’t the burden of preconceived notions, only freedom to be whoever you are that day. I like to grant people that freedom, because it’s something I want for myself too.

So, how do I turn that into my “job?” I have no idea. It’s far from a traditional path. I’ve opened myself up to flow in the hopes that I end up where I’m supposed to be. I’m doing the things that make sense. I’m writing every single day. Writing feels like the path forward at the moment. I’m sharing things about myself that I usually wouldn’t and my vulnerability continues to be rewarded, so surely there is something there. Was writing this very thing exactly what I needed to do right now? Opening up about my career crisis and just saying the scary, impossible-seeming thing that I want?

In the spirit of saying the scary, impossible things: I want to be a healer. I want to use my influence to help people see the best in themselves. I want to make my own schedule. I want ample room for joy. I want security and stability. Can I really have it all? I suppose we’ll see.

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